What Do You Do With the Pain?

Jun 7, 2011 by

Last weekend was Memorial Day. I was feeling incredibly out of sorts and couldn’t shake the feeling all weekend long. I actually haven’t felt quite the same since then, but am beginning to emerge from the fog that I had been swimming in all week.
Suddenly it occurred to me that perhaps my subconscious had recalled something that my conscious had not. Four years ago on that same weekend, I had taken John up to Flagstaff for a quick family getaway. The doctors thought it was a great idea. So did we, until John had a stroke and was having MAJOR problems dealing with the change in pressure. That weekend had marked the beginning of the end for John. And as I now recall, I was the most helpless I have ever felt in my life.
I am now a believer that our cells must have their own memory. I was not aware of nor did I associate my feelings with the events from four years ago. Again, the beauty of it is, that rather than stay stuck in that feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, I recognized where it was coming from, felt it, and decided, consciously, that that isn’t the place I want to stay in. As soon as I was aware of where it was coming from, I was able to make a positive choice to step out of it.
We will all experience these periods from time to time, whether it be from the loss of a relationship, a job, or a friend. It doesn’t matter so much where the pain is coming from or what caused the pain. It is clearly what we choose to do with these experiences that matters.

read more

Related Posts

Tags

Share This

Memories….

Jun 1, 2011 by

Memories can be paralyzingly painful. But they can also be remarkably energizing and inspiring. I have begun to recognize what particular memories are going to send me into a deep funk, and before writing this book and speaking about it, I would do an immediate u-turn to avoid those feelings. I am not saying that I wanted to completely forget the hard times, but I knew that what I had gone through was not typical of what my life had been nor would become.

Now, I recall the toughest of times through speaking about them with others, and look at what it took to get me through them. I do this for myself, and so that I can offer help to those who seem to be on the hard edge of being devoured by a similar experience. There is a brutal significant value in surviving grueling times, but the time to reflect for me—I think for anyone—is when it is small in the rear view mirror, not when it is still dominating the landscape.

read more

Related Posts

Tags

Share This

Author’s Personal Memoir Breaks Down Behind-The-Scenes Trauma

May 11, 2011 by

Media Contact
Lauren Rosenberg / LRPR
(310) 393-9114
(602) 826-5777
Lauren@LRPR.com

AUTHOR’S PERSONAL MEMOIR BREAKS DOWN BEHIND-THE-SCENES TRAUMA
New Book Just Released:
Checking Out: An In-Depth Look At Losing Your Mind
By CATHERINE GRAVES

May 2011 (Phoenix, Arizona) Catherine Graves knows firsthand what it feels like to lose her mind.  She knows what it feels like to lose all sense of responsibility and her sense of self.  But, she also knows how it feels to emerge from the depths of despair to reclaim her life.

In Checking Out: An In-Depth Look At Losing Your Mind, first-time author, Catherine Graves, takes us on her personal and private journey to what she and her family experienced. When her husband starts to act out-of-character and increasingly disinterested, Graves suspects the worst—but while she needs confirmation of one sort, a different type of nightmare begins, which becomes the toughest year of her and her two children’s lives – a dreadful year in which nothing for their family will ever be the same. Graves makes keeping it together possible by realizing that the poor choices and mistakes she makes has consequences and repercussions.

“I was convinced that my husband was having an affair – or several affairs.  Eventually I discovered that he had a massive brain tumor,” says Graves, “and the guilt I experienced over that was enormous.  I learned that you can be wrong about your assumptions, make big mistakes and still have reason to forgive yourself.  I am the perfect example that the end of your loved one’s life doesn’t need to be the end of your own.”

In her speaking engagements, Graves’ audience is responding to her unbridled honesty and can be thankful to lead less extraordinary lives. She inspires others to see that there is life at the other end of immense grief.

Significant Points

  • When she suspects John, her 46 year-old husband of having affairs Catherine hires a private investigator to follow him.  He’s guilty of something, she’s convinced.
  • They seek counseling, and the counselor says that he’s in a deep depression and instructs them to go to Sierra Tucson for treatment.
  • There they discover that he has Glioma, a severe brain tumor.  (Ted Kennedy and Johnnie Cochran died from the Glioma)
  • After he dies, she’s left with guilt and deep grief.
  • She abandons her family, makes terrible choices, loses her mind, and checks herself into treatment.
  • These days she’s taking full responsibility for the negative effect her thinking and actions had on her family, friends & herself.

About Checking Out
Checking Out: An In-Depth Look At Losing Your Mind
by Catherine Graves; ISBN #978-1460914397; $16.95; Softback; 6’ x 9”; 184 pages; Available on Amazon.com and Kindle; ISBN #9781613974261.

UPCOMING BOOK READING / SIGNING
Where: Changing Hands Bookstore, 6428 S McClintock Drive, Tempe, Arizona 85283, (480) 730-0205
When: Thursday, June 2nd, 7:00PM – 8:30PM

PDF Version – Catherine Graves: For Immediate Release 05/11/2011

read more

Related Posts

Share This

We All Fall Down

Dec 7, 2010 by

We All Fall Down

John’s chemotherapy and radiation treatments were over in six weeks as promised. Three weeks later he started falling apart. Falling down. A lot. At first he could help me get him back if not his feet, and least into a chair. But even that didn’t last long, and then it was just me struggling to lift my big, forever strong and handsome husband up from the floor.John had seizures, many of them, and all he could do was sleep them off the way some ridiculous college binger would sleep off a big weekend. I watched him sleep, sometimes dozing off myself, then waking with a start, afraid that John wouldn’t awaken at all.I took John back to Barrows ahead of schedule and insisted he have a scan done of his brain. The news the scan brought was not good. I hadn’t expected it to be, of course, but I couldn’t always trust my intuition anymore. (Other than from the kids, I wasn’t expecting to see good coming from anything). There were three new spots on John’s brain. In strictly physical terms, small. In medical, and psychological, terms, enormous. The glioma was recurring with remarkable speed. The cerebellum, where your physical coordination comes from, was the site of one of the new spots. That explained a lot. His motor skills were shot. The falling wasn’t just weakness from the weeks of chemo and radiation. This was not something he would get over with time and rest.The implantation of a Gliadel wafer was brought up now. Of course it would mean going into what should be no man’s land—John’s brain—once again. It was, in the most generous terms, a stopgap measure, one that might add some time to John’s physical life, but would not in any way ensure any quality of life. And the side effects, as mentioned before, seemed almost more dreadful than the treatment.We chose home instead.

Please take a moment to share your thoughts on this post  by sharing a comment below. if you enjoyed the post, please share it by using one of the sharing links on the page.

©2010 Catherine Graves

read more